Monday, June 20, 2005

blog ko pagkatapos ng accident

Eto nanaman ang isa ko pang blog na tagalog. Medyo malupet din to tulad nung una. Biro mo, naaksidente na ako, nakaya ko pang mag-computer. Lalo na ang gumawa ng blog.

Nung sabado lang, naaksidente ako. Dinala ako sa de la salle medical center. Umiiyak ako di dahil sa sakit, kundi dahil sa takot na baka operahan ako. Isa ring dahilan ang mahal ko na hindi ko makikita ng ilang araw. Sa pangpagamutan, namumutla ako sa takot. Hindi ko alam kung ano gagawin ko at mangyayari sa akin. Tila walang katapusan ang panghihinayang at lungkot na aking nadarama. Kung hindi lang ako lumabas ng bahay, hindi sana mangyayari sa akin to. Umiyak ako nang hindi ko inaasahan. Ako pa naman ang klase ng tao na hinding-hindi mo makikitang umiiyak basta-basta. Ako pa naman ang taong lagging naka-ngiti at masaya. Kahit ano mangyari sa akin, masaya parin ako. Lagi kong iniisip ang magandang kahihinatnan ng mga nangyayari. Pero bakit sa mga oras na yon, para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa? Nakahimlay ako sa E.R. nang lapitan ako ng isang nurse. Ang sabi niya ay lumabas na ang resulta ng pagsusulit o pagtingin sa akin. Maayos na daw ako. Konting pahinga at paggamit ng “knee immobilizer”, ayos na ang lahat. Akala ko hihimatayin ako sa tuwa. Habang pauwi, inisip ko ang mga kaibigan, kamag-aral at ang minamahal ko. Paano sila? Hindi ko sila makikita sa matagal na panahon. Kakayanin ko kaya? Kinagabihan, nagpahinga ako puno ng alinglangan ang puso ko.

Kinabukasan ay araw ng pagsisimba. Hindi ako nagtungo ng simbahan sa kadahilangan na masakit pa ang binti ko. Sa panonood ko ng telebisyon, narinig ko ang tawag ng mga boses na aking kilala sa labas. Sabi ko lang ay pumasok sila. Nabigla sila sa kanilang nakita. Ako na nakahiga, may balot ang binti. Pagkakita nila sa akin, tinawagan agad nila ang iba pa naming kasamahan sa simbahan. Sandali lang, dumating na sila. Pinadasal nila ako para gumaling ako agad. Nung umaga kasing yon, akala ko walang makakaalala sa akin. Kinahapunan, tumawag ako sa kaibigan ko upang kumpirmahin nga na pupunta sila. Ang akala ko ay hindi nila nakuha ang mensahe na ipinadala ko kagabi. Hindi ko inasahang darating ang mahal ko. Sabi niya kasi ay may lakad siya. Pagdating nila, sobrang ligaya ang naramdaman ko. Kinagabihang iyon, pinadalhan ko ang minamahal ko ng mensahe. Nagpasalamat ako dahil nakapagbigay siya ng oras para puntahan ako. Sobrang ligaya ang naramdaman ko. Sabi niya, wala daw iyon. Kaya niyang magbigay ng oras para sa akin kahit kailan. Nakita ko na ang taong mamahalin ko ng sobra. Siya na iyon. Mahal na mahal ko na siya. Kahit ano, gagawin ko para sa kanya. Mahal ko siya.

Nahimlay ako na puno ng ligaya ang puso ko. Akala ko, hindi niya magagawa iyon. Pero iba pala siya. Ang saya na nadarama ko, higit pa sa inaasahan ko. Kahit masakit ang binti ko, natulog ako na may ngiti sa aking labi.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

tagalog to no...

Eto ang isa sa mga araw na may lakas ng loob akong gumawa at i-update ang blog ko. At saka, feel kong maging Balagtas ngayon no!

Kahapon ay isa nanamang araw ng pagtitiis ng sampung (10) oras sa eskuwelahan. Tila walang katapusan na sakit ng ulo ang natanggap ko kahapon. Tadtad ng aralin at bagong natutunan, lumabas ako ng klase na bitbit ang gamit ko. Inisip ko, ang bigat pala ng gamit ko. Buti nalang ay may “locker” na nabuo sa mundong ito. Pagkatapat ko sa kabilang klase, nakita ko siya. Siya ang taong nagbago ng buhay ko sa isang iglap lang. Akala ko kasi, wala nang mangyayari sakin pagkatapos ng pakikipaghiwalay ko sa dating minahal ko. Masakit mang isipin, mahirap mabuhay pagkatapos masaktan. Ayoko na dating magmahal. Oo nga eh. Un na un. Ayoko na. Pero bakit ganun? Nung nakilala ko siya, akala ko paghanga lang ang lahat. Wala yata ang hinahanap ko sa kanya dati. Akala ko kaibigan ko lang siya. Kaibigan? Oo nga no…imposible na mahalin ko siya. Iba mahal niya. Iba ang gusto niya. Malayong-malayo ako sa babaeng hanap niya. Umasa nalang ako na maaring may iba ring magkakagusto sakin. Sa service namin, napaguusapan na kami ng isa ko pang kaibigan, si Christopher. Akala nila at iniisip nila, kami na. Hahaha. Napakalaking kalokohan. Umabot sa puntong kailangan ko nang maki-sakay sa biro nila. Nagaakbayan na kami, nagsasabihan ng mahal kita. Hindi naman kahit kailan naging seryoso to. Natatawa pa nga ako pag naaalala ko un eh. Isang araw, hindi na niya natiis ang biro na to. Kinausap na ng taong mahal ko ang best friend ko. Tinanong na niya ang rason kung bakit ganun. Kung totoo at seryoso ba kami. Kinabukasan, kinausap na ako ng best friend ko. Natawa lang ako sa sinabi niya. Ang tanging nasabi ko, “bakit?”. Pero ngayon, alam na niya kung bakit, alam ko na rin ang epekto ng pagsakay sa mga biro. Sa panahong ito, alam na niyang hinding-hindi ko siya iiwan. Bakit ba? Mahirap humanap ng tulad niya. Sabi niya, mahirap humanap ng tulad ko. Pangako ung binitawan niya. Hindi ko inaasahan na tutuparin niya un. Umaasa ako na maging totoo siya sa kin. Kahit walang pangako, basta puro katotohanan lang. Nginitian ako ng mahal ko. Ngumiti din ako sa kanya. Tinanong niya ako kung gusto ko bang tulungan niya ako. Tumawa ako at sinabi kong hindi. Ayos lang ako eh. Kinuha niya ang bag ko na malapit nang mahulog sa balikat ko. Biniro pa nga niya ako eh. Sabi niya,”Inggit ako na may dala ka tapos ako wala. Akin na muna to ah.”. Ngumiti ako at pumunta sa locker ko. Ang puso ko ay umaapaw sa kaligayahan nung bumaba na kami. Sa pagaantay sa kaibigan ko na kasabay ko umuwi, siya ang tanging kasama ko. Umupo kami sa isang sulok ng paaralan kung saan hindi kami masyadong pansin. Sa aming paguusap, bigla siyang sumandal sa aking balikat. Nakuryente ako. May kiliti nga pala ung balikat ko. Hindi na ako tumawa o gumalaw pa. Sumandal naman siya sa likod ng balikat ko. Bigla siyang umayos ng upo at sabay sinabi niyang,”may iba kang amoy ngayon ah. Ang bango mo ngayon.”. Bihira lang ang mga taong pumapansin sa amoy ko kapag nakakatabi nila ako. Siya palang yata ang mahilig pumansin sa amoy ko. Maya-maya, nilabas ko ang tsokolateng dala ko. Binigyan ko siya. Ang saya ko. Paano kasi, kung gaano katamis ang tsokolate, ganun din pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Matamis. Pag minsang natikman, babalik-balikan. Corni. Yucks. Wala na akong masabi eh. Sa paguwi naming kahindik-hindik at kapanapanabik, napagusapan namin ng kaibigan ko ang pagibig. Medyo mahaba ang paguusap namin at tila ang oras ay bumilis nung iyon ang pinaguusapan namin. Pag kasama ko ang mahal ko, mabilis ang oras. Pagdating ko sa bahay, tumawag ako sa kanya. Wala. Nais ko lang siyang makausap. Maya-maya, siya na ang tumawag. Matagal din ang aming paguusap. Nagsabi kami ng paalam sa isa’t isa. Umalis muna ako bago ako nagpahinga at natulog nang mahimbing.

Iyong gabing yon, masaya ako. Puno ng kaligayahan ang puso ko nung humimlay ako at natulog, umaasa sa isa pang araw na makakasama ko siyang muli. Sa ibang lugar maliban sa panaginip ko…

Friday, June 17, 2005

another one posted...

Wind and blossoms

They were friends for almost a year. As he saw her walking down the corridor, he remembered how they first met.
She was walking along a corridor. Wind whipped her half-pony tailed hair back. She was wearing a white collared shirt and jeans. Even though she’s just wearing plain, blue sneakers, you would notice that she is somewhat tall. She held her knapsack close. She checked her watch. Her pace went faster. Then, she stopped right in front of the room where he is about to enter. It was his classroom. His classmates waited inside for the class to start. He ran to get to the room before the teacher could notice that he wasn’t there.
As he went inside, the girl was already talking to the teacher. He was sitting on his place when the teacher called him to hand the girl a chair. He stood up and approached the chairs which were pushed aside because there was no need to use them. He picked one and placed it where she should sit down. She smiled at him and said thanks. He thought he was going to melt. He didn’t know what to say. He gave her a faint smile and stalked back to his seat.
A few days passed and they became closer through music. She would always bring her portable cd player to school. She would always sit in a corner of the room and listen to music. Then one time, she was crying, so he approached her. He asked why. She didn’t answer. A few days later, he learned from her friends that she had just broken up with her boyfriend. Yet he didn’t know how did she hide all the pain she felt. She lived everyday as if it was her last. She’s always happy. She always smiles and greets him with such sparkle in her eyes. She did everything to make all things perfect and nice.
He was Mark. She was Nicole.
As he snaps back to reality, he realizes that she was already tapping him to get his attention. When he looked at her, she grinned at him and said hi. Then she walked away. Her hair being whipped back by the wind. He likes that when her hair is held in a loose half-pony tail. She looked back at him, flashed him a smile and went on her way to her classroom.
He walked ahead, not sure of his direction. He went to his class, then spent the whole afternoon thinking of what to do. What to tell her. It was killing him not to let her know. Nobody still knew what he feels for her. At dismissal, he never saw her again. Maybe she went home early, he thought.
That night, he couldn’t sleep. He was still thinking of her. She checked if she was still awake. She was still awake. She said she was in an outing with her cousins. He asked where. She said they were in a bar. She was sitting on a corner drinking juice. All of her cousins are dancing. She sat there, talking to Mark through her phone. Because of the noise, they were forced to talk through text.
Mark slept with a smile on his heart and on his face. He knew Nicole was there. He knew she was safe. He would never have to worry.
It was Saturday. Mark went to his friend James. He was at home, doing his usual chores. He was left at the house alone, again. James was surprised to see Mark. He never came to his home over the weekend, not unless it was important. James willingly accepted Mark to his home. James then asked Mark why he was here. Then, Mark lost words. He didn’t know how to explain his situation to James. He then told James his long hidden story. How he fell in love with Nicole, his feelings and his problem on Nicole. All James told him was to tell Nicole how he feels. All Mark needs to say was ‘Can you be my girlfriend?’. Mark then left James’ place, feeling that James was right.
A few days passed. They still treat each other as they used to.
Nicole was sitting on a bench right beside a tree filled with blossoms. She was wearing a pink long-sleeved blouse and a white flowing skirt. Mark was surprised to see her wear those. She never had that courage to wear those kind of clothes. She had a book in hand. She sat on the bench as the wind blew the blossoms around her. Mark approached her. He held out a white rose. She looked at him with a puzzled expression on her face. ‘What is this?’. She took the white rose, then Mark sat down beside her. He held out a small box to Nicole. She took the box, opened it, and then saw a locket and a note inside. The note said,’ Will you be mine?’ She looked at Mark as he smiled at her. He took the locket from the box and worn it on her neck. Tears welled up in her eyes. She hugged Mark and whispered in his ear, ‘Yes’. They held each other close as the wind blew once again, enveloping them in blossoms, their thoughts blown to a place we will never know………until we fall in love...

Thursday, June 09, 2005

a question for my readers...

Are You Ready To Fall In Love?
There would once be that person whose smile melts your heart, whose face you’ll look for in every crowd. When that person comes, will you be ready? Will you be prepared to feel that thing they call “kilig”? Will you be prepared to fall in love? Let me tell you a story, which will leave you a question in your heart and mind.
He was Mark. He had been a musician all his life. For him, music is everything. Music is his passion. He couldn’t stand a day without listening to music or playing an instrument, whether it was a piano or a guitar. He belongs to a band; which he and his friends made up. His band is his own family. His co-band mates thought of why he never fell in love seriously. The unusual thing for a guy his age, he never fell in love seriously. He had two past girlfriends, both of them he calls “flings”. He had never been serious enough in a relationship. He had hurt these two girls real bad. Both girls cried so hard when they knew all their struggles fell to nothing. Bad reputation, right? But nobody knew how serious he is sometimes.
She was Nicole. A typical girl. Has long hair, fair complexion and some height. She has brains. She doesn’t believe in destiny anymore. She doesn’t want to fall in love all over again. She had hated guys. But due to inevitable circumstances, she had to like guys. She doesn’t want to fall for another guy, ever. She is afraid that someday, she will be hurt again. A guy she fell in love before had hurt her and made her world turn upside-down. She cried every night after he broke her heart. She told herself that she was stupid enough to fall for an idiot like him. She thought that after they broke up, her world would come crumbling down. She was crushed to bits. She thought that falling in love was stupid. She had only one refuge, music. When she listens to music, everything turns blank. She drifts to a far place. She didn’t think falling in love with a musician was part of it.
Then they met. He was studying in this school. He was like the person who almost spent his whole life in that school. Everybody knew him. Everybody almost knew his whole life. He knew everyone’s life. He was the one they run to when they have a problem. He was always ready to help them, including their love lives. Then she came. She was only new. She never thought that she would meet this guy. But fate has it’s own way of making it’s plan work. You might say its destiny.
On her first day, she got lost in that corridor. She passed his room. She didn’t know she belongs there. She asked the teacher on the other room about the class she needs to attend. Then, that teacher guided her to the next room. “What? I belong here? Oops, I had entered the wrong room.”, she told herself. Her real teacher told Mark to get her a chair. He gave her a chair. She just smiled at him in a friendly and welcoming manner.
Nicole never thought she would belong. She had friends even though she was just new. Cristina and Jellie were her first new friends. They helped her belong. They accompanied her all the time. She found good friends. But there was one thing she didn’t know. Her two friends and Mark are also friends. After every dismissal, he would talk to them about Nicole. He asked them for help on how to get close to her.
The next day, Nicole was at a corner. She had just excused herself from their jamming. Their teacher wasn’t there. She sat among the vacant chairs. She told her friends that someone had texted her. She wants to read it privately so she excused herself. Then after reading the message, she broke into tears. Mark was the first one who approached her. He asked her why. She didn’t answer. Then Cristina and Jellie approached her. They asked Mark to leave them for a moment while they talk to Nicole. Mark did as he was told. They sat down beside her. She laid her head on Cristina’s shoulder as Jellie was rubbing her back. They asked her why. She answered in whispers.
Mark kept thinking of why she cried. This thought bothered him the whole time until their dismissal. At dismissal, Nicole went home immediately. Mark approached her friends and he asked them on why she cried. “She and her boyfriend had just broke up.”, that’s what they told him. He was sad for her. He asked for her number from her friends. They gave him her cell phone number. Then they parted ways.
Nicole was on her bed, crying. She was surprised to hear her phone ringing. She answered it as she tried to stifle her sobs. “Hi Nicole, how are you? Do you feel fine?”. A somewhat familiar voice ringed in her ear. It was Mark. They talked for a long time on the phone.
After a few days, they were hanging out in a corner of the classroom. They were listening to the cds they had brought to school. They liked the same kind of music. He never thought he could meet a girl like her. As days passed, he fell more and more deeper in love with each other. She was the girl of his dreams. He never thought she could even exist. He didn’t know if she feels the same way. He realized that he was in love. But yet, is he ready?
One day, she didn’t go to class. They told him that she met an accident last night. Story has it that she was with her cousin, Daniel that night. They were cruising at a normal speed at a dark highway when suddenly, another car collided at them, and making the car they were riding crash at a nearby wall. The car was a total wreck. Daniel and Nicole are alive but they are at a critical condition.
Mark didn’t know whether he was going to cry or what. He waited everyday near the door to welcome Nicole if she ever came back. But everyday, he was left disappointed. He really was in love. Then, Cristina and Jellie handed him a hard-bounded book. He then realized it was the book that Nicole was holding the day before the accident. Cristina and Jellie told him to open that book and read it. They said that Nicole asked them to give that book to him. They left him alone for him to have privacy as he read the book.
He opened the book. He then realized it is Nicole’s journal. He read it. He found the answers to his questions as he read her journal. He discovered how she felt when she first met him, how she felt when she broke up with her boyfriend, and how she really feels about him. As he scanned the pages, he saw a letter for him. It said how much she loved him and how she longed to have the chance for him to be hers. It also said how much she loved him and how she looks for his face in every crowd. She wrote on how much she liked it when she sees him in her dreams. She said it gave her inspiration to live normal again.
Mark’s eyes welled with tears as he read further on. Then he saw the white rose he had given her when the class went to the grove. She loved that rose. She had it pressed in her journal. She pasted a list of what she wants to do in life at the last page of her journal. He looked at it. He saw at the top of the list, “Never to fall in love again.”. There had been marks of pen that showed it was erased. She had written on top of it,” To fall in love all over again…. with Mark.”. He was struck with surprise.
After class, he went to the hospital. Nicole was still in the ICU. She could open her eyes, but still she can’t speak straight due to the accident. Mark went there to make Nicole feel better so he brought with him his guitar. He would play her favorite song. She loved it when he would strum her favorite song. It always made her feel better. As Mark entered the room, Nicole’s parents decided that they should leave their daughter alone with her friend. As Mark greeted Nicole, she opened her eyes and looked at him intently. He leaned down for her to hug him and she hugged him back. He told her how much he loved her, and he didn’t know he was already falling for her. Even though she had a hard time speaking, she spoke softly, “I never thought I would fall in love again, until I met you.”. They both cried as they hugged each other. Then he played his guitar while he sang her favorite song. She smiled at him. They both felt good.
Everyday, Mark went to the hospital to visit Nicole. He was there when Nicole was brought home. He went to her home everyday to help her recover. He helped her as she decided to come back to school. Then, they were considered as real lovers. When they both had stable jobs and stable lives, they got married. Mark was permitted by Nicole to pursue his career as a musician. Nicole always went to watch Mark’s band perform. Nicole was Mark’s inspiration. They lived happily in each other’s company.
This love story took years to be done and years more to be perfected. They didn’t know at first that they would fall for each other. They never thought they were ever ready to fall in love. But may ask you now, are you ready to fall in love? If love comes your way, would you be ever ready to grab at the chance for lifetime and endless happiness? I am, in myself; think that I am indeed ready. But, are you?



“Falling in love with you
Was never my plan.
I never intended to love you
But how can I fight it?
It doesn’t matter now.
What matters is
You are mine
And I am yours
Forever.”